Our best local friend's oldest daughter got married on Friday...what an event! It all starts when the most "auspicious" (lucky?) weekend is chosen by someone important. Then everyone picks their time and the weddings roll all weekend.
This one began at 5am (we did not join this part) at the mosque where they were married officially by the Imam. Then the bride returned home and the groom did also...to his home. For the next 7 hours or so, the bride sat in quiet seclusion...on the floor...under a sheet. At some point she began preparations for her presentation at noon.
We gussied ourselves up and walked into town (Justin had taken the car to pick up friends from the airport). This involved 4 very white females dressed in lots of sparkle and make-up walking nearly a mile in the BLAZING heat trying to pretend we were NOT the spectacle we were. Or that we were dying of heat. Or that I was not cheating the system with my scarf tied around my head and knotted in the back because I simply could not bear to wrap my neck and face in that heat. By the way, the bling and make-up is a cultural must here, not my parading of my children.
Nevertheless, we made it a fashionable hour late (we came at 10) to the dancing festivities. By the way, how cute is Braelyn getting? The drums were going strong and the house was packed to the hilt with women. The men were lounging out front. They do NOT dance together. The 70 pound, 90 year old Gramma grabbed my hand in an amazing death grip and tried to pull me into the room to dance. Her hips swaying, um, suggestively, her laugh cackling through the house, she was having a GREAT time. The girls, however, were not. So we escaped and sought out a quiet corner of the house away from the dancing.
It did not stay quiet though! We were soon flocked with children...sitting...staring...touching. Justin soon arrived in his Kofia (hat) and Kanzu (dress...er...whatever) and we were served the traditional wedding fare of cinnamon spiced rice topped with a smidge of vegetable/"beef" stew. This is the youngest brother of the bride above, and the youngest sister below. For now. Mom is pregnant with number 8.
So after lunch, we all (ladies only still...men still sitting and doing nothing) hustled into the living room where Asha (the bride) was led in as though she was a china doll, all dressed in the most intricate, amazing, sparkly get-up, and seated sedately on the couch. It is said that she is supposed to look sad all day. I don't know why. The other women would go, lift up her veil to see her, maybe whisper something to her, maybe just peek.
They were quick to flip back her veil when I pulled out the camera for this shot, though! I was so thankful to see her give some smiles and giggles. The dowry system is still in place and though her Baba (father) assured us that her new husband is young and they know and like each other, that is not always the case. Sandy attended another wedding that afternoon where the bride actually cried the whole time.
You can see the henna ALL over the bride, the awesome make-up, the sparkles. You can also see how bedraggled my girls look nearly 3 hours into this event. Poor Braelyn had a few meltdowns waiting for food and drink and daddy. But we survived just fine and returned home to a house full of love and joy and commitment. Her new husband would arrive around 5 pm to literally grab her and carry her away to his family's home where the festivities would continue all Saturday as well.
Among non-locals we've had some thought-compiling conversations of the state of marriage here. Some realities: a man can divorce his wife for any reason simply by saying "I divorce you" three times. A woman cannot divorce her husband. There is a special word in the language for a woman who has been sent away but no such word for a man. A man can marry up to 4 women AT A TIME. As long as he hasn't married that fourth, he is free to roam and flirt and carouse to his heart's content...he's simply wife-hunting. The wife can't complain lest she be divorced and sent away, maybe without her children.
There is no sanctity in marriage here and it breaks our hearts. There is no understanding of True Love. There is no understanding of why Justin, who can clearly afford it, has not taken a younger wife. Oh, Lord, may we please be an example of true love. May we be a picture of Your love. May we show our friends something desirable, something worth seeking out...YOU.
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